Testimony: Part 3

Of course he didn't exist. He wouldn't bend to fit my rules. I was at what I thought was the bottom of the barrel and took steps to sublet my apartment and get out of there, but to where? I found myself hitching a ride with my Oma and Opa from Winnipeg back to Calgary to move back into my parents' house. At the time I moved back there were a few people living there and my room existed of a couple blankets hanging from the ceiling in the basement separating me from the other inhabitants of the house. I had lost pretty much all respect for myself at this point in my life and found myself chasing girls a little too vigorously. I bounced from relationship to relationship and was positive that each one was the ONE. I was wrong everytime it seemed and my heart was becoming harder and harder and my friends were becoming further and further as they couldn't stand to watch me self destruct like I did. Being back at my parents' meant that every sunday that I didn't work I was going to church with them which made me quite uncomfortable; especially when their good friends were around as well. I couldn't quite figure it out, but it seemed that everytime they were all together I wanted to jump right out of my skin...I couldn't leave quick enough when cornered. Still I did NOT believe in His existence. At this time I had met a few friends on the internet and from touring in old bands and was planning on leaving town for Boston for good . So I had just given a month's notice at my work and was preparing for leaving everything behind. I really had given up on girls for the most part and had come to terms with the fact that I would be alone forever when we hired a couple new girls at work and me being one of the assistant manager types would be in charge of training. Lets just say I have never been made speachless by a girl before...wow. That was the day that my wife literally walked into my life.
As we got to know eachother she turned to me and asked if I went to church, to which I responded, "yes, i don't believe it, but would you like to come one day?" What was I thinking? I didn't believe this crap and here I was bringing a girl whom I had such intense feelings for that sometimes I couldn't breath, to a church risking the fact that I might lose her to a fairy tale! Well, this really opened up a dialogue between us as she was curious about it and I had been ignoring it for sometime. I decided that maybe I should look into this for myself a little more. I cut my Boston trip from forever to a week and had also received a call from my old band "Strength in Solitude" to do a reunion show in Edmonton with my good friend Jordan's band, "Compromise". I was to go to Edmonton for a week to practice with the guys and then the day after the reunion show I was to board a plane for Boston. I was going to be away from Dawn for two weeks...I was scared. Funny things happen when God wants them to. The person I was supposed to stay with in Boston had gotten herself kicked out of her house so I had to cancel that trip cutting our time apart to 1 week. Also my parents decided to come see the show in Edmonton and would brought Dawn with them. I had also started a new band in Calgary called Far From Over and I used my charm to get us on the bill as well. When the whole hooplah was up and I was safely back in Calgary we continued going to church on sundays and continued to talk about what it all meant. God was a part of my life again, but not yet real to me. Then one day I returned home to a message on my answering maching; my good friend Jordan had been killed by a drunk driver while they were on tour...my head spun...